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Ne who cares about them It is a comprehensive cross cultural research based reconsideration of stepfamily dynamics from the perspective of the stepmother How does she think act and feel and why Part no holds barred memoir of stepmothering in the trenches part analysis Stepmonste.
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Stepmonster A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think Feel and Act the Way We DoR A MOBI #181 of why stepmothering is tough and steps women with stepkids can take to thrive Stepmonster has been hailed as the thinking woman's guide to stepmothering and life altering igniting conversations controversy and changes in how we perceive and experience stepmotherin. Really thought this would give me some answers and although there are a few in here I am none the wiser and it is rather long winded
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review Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do 108 â ➾ [Download] ➻ Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do By Join or create book clubs ➷ – Dcmdirect.co.uk What makes stepmothering so hWhat makes stepmothering so hard New Look PDFEPUB #231 And why are we as people and a culture so hard on stepmothers How can we make it easier Stepmonster is a truly uniue and groundbreaking book for women with stepchildren men with kids who repartner adult stepchildren and anyo. Stepmonster begins with an interesting premise culturally and historically step mothers are discriminated against for which Wednesday Martin provides evidence She identifies the age old dynamic whereby the children are antagonistic towards the step mother and the father remains passive unable to defuse this cycle Evidence is provided by Wednesday that statistically second marriages with step children have an extremely high failure rate as high as 70% Whereby the remaining percentage of marriages with step children which survive statistically beyond a number of years remain togetherThus Wednesday encourages prioritising the marriage to the children by the father Logically this makes sense After all what’s the point of re marrying if not to make it workShe recommends stepmothers based on studies disengage from stepchildren to make them feel less conflicted and give undermining mothers less ammunition to use against them She reiterates that stepfamilies should not and cannot emulate a ‘real’ biological nuclear family with mother father and childrenI do not doubt that this might help as what is not discussed but this is clearly set to do is to make the biological mother feel secure in her role as mother when the children are away from her and for the stepchildren not to have to show or demonstrate any familial emotions or feelings toward a stepmother A stepmother should accept that the mother will be involved in her homeWhat makes me extremely uncomfortable in this is that the undertone of the book is that a stepmother should be submissive to the stepchildren and the mother in her own home If she has a thought or feeling toward the child in regard to care or caring she should stifle this as she is over reaching in her role and will antagonise the motherThus the main person in the dynamic whose behaviour needs modification is the stepmother which seems to bring Wednesday full circle Whilst at the beginning of the book she is sympathetic and indeed at times believes the stepmother is much maligned by the end of the book it is at the end of the day the stepmother whose behaviour needs to be modifiedClearly through Wednesday Martin’s books she believes she is a feminist and progressive I can’t help but feel that Stepmonster reinforces societal acceptance that treating stepmothers as the villain in the piece is okay that the mother’s rights supersede the stepmother’s and the old fashioned biological nuclear family is the optimal situationWhilst stepmothers are not ‘supposed’ to have feelings or be active participants in the care of the children legally they will be expected to fund and provide the child’s care day to day whilst in her home If a stepmother were not to provide material or emotional support for a stepchild she would and is considered very harshly by society Should the stepmother unfortunately pass away she will also be socially expected and legally reuired in many places to leave money to the children This dichotomy is not addressed in Wednesday’s book It is touched upon at times but not addressedThe anthropological studies provided by Wednesday are set to reinforce the idea that genetically the nuclear biological family is able to bond Genetically humans are 995% the same so this premise is based on the 05% difference Can 05% of genetic difference account for bonding or is this social and cultural effects within the study populationsRe married fathers are described as passive and ineffectual in the dynamic of the antagonistic children in the book What is not described in the dynamic of the passive father and the antagonistic children toward their stepmother is that uite often there are court orders or mediation agreements beholding the father on care arrangements which constrains his behaviour and puts the father in a very difficult positionThis creates a situation of power for the children especially as they become teenagers and are psychologically aware of the power they hold in the dynamic of the stepmother's household Wednesday does identify this as a motivating factor but attributes it to the stepmother being a rival for the father’s time What is less acknowledged is that the children may also be driven to misbehave and mistreat the stepmother to please the mother Logically the children have at stake in the household where they spend most of their time If the mother has majority custody of the children and the children are aware of the mother’s unhappiness or anger at the stepmother then the children are likely to lash out at the stepmother Wednesday acknowledges this as the mother not ‘giving her blessing’ This seems to be watering down the role of the mother in the antagonistic dynamicThe recommendation from Wednesday for stepmothers to disengage would logically help to somewhat defuse this situation and may make the stepmother’s life easier if she can tune out the negative behaviour however it won’t remove or change the underlying dynamicOverall the book is an interesting read but I did find myself concluding at the end of the book that it simply reinforced the idea of stepmothers being monsters whose own behaviour was responsible for their mistreatment by their stepchildren That if only stepmothers could find the right balance not over reaching or too caring and detachment because it is not their right to be maternalistic or nurturing toward the child they would have a better life